Contact Details

If you would like to book ChineseElvis to sing at your function, be it a wedding, a birthday or a drug-crazed orgy of hedonistic pleasure (or simply want to ask a question), email him at chineseelvis@googlemail.com.

It has been brought to to my attention that some of your emails are probably being marked as spam. I get so many spam emails, having had the domain since 2000, that I mostly delete them without even checking whether any slipped through the filters (especially now that my penis has been enlarged enough, I have vast stocks of viagra and I have already won over $650 trillion in lotteries). If I have not replied within a reasonable time, send again. If still no reply, why not call me direct: Mobile - 07956 255 374 - this the best way of getting hold of me, and if you have an enquiry, I will be pleased to hear from you.

I have performed at weddings, christenings, hen parties, corporate fundraisers, Xmas parties, on boats, beaches, restaurants, casinos, pubs, scouts huts, judo clubs, in a variety of vehicles, from a double decker bus to the back of a push-bike. I have also been seen busking in the street. I am happy to try my magic anywhere. I am not even restricted to Elvis songs, neither...I recently sang "Hava Nagila" at a Jewish wedding. Just ask and you might be surprised what I agree to...

Please read every word of this section if you plan to book

My rates are extortionate, but I am willing to give you a good price. You are like a brother to me. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Its the Chinese way...! You want nice girl?

Rates depend on how long you want me to sing, where it is, how many people there are there and not least how rich you are.

I also appreciate a nice beer and a burger normally goes down lovely. Know what I mean? You get what you pay for and you are paying for ChineseElvis - there is no quicker way to spend your money! Like Elvis said, "Treat Me Nice" and you should not be disappointed (or offended!). See my testimonial page for proof that it works. I am not your regular pub style Elvis. In fact, to be fair, I have not worked in a pub for years (except at the Eagle in Battersea) - I only now perform at private functions. Who does the CEO of Coca Cola (in Atlanta) turn to when he wants an Elvis to perform a private function? Surely not a West End trained, multi award-winning fat, UK based Michael MacIntrye lookalike who is single handedly keeping Just For Men in business? Yes, actually!

Call or email for availability of this unique (and non-threatening, yet strangely sexy) package

ChineseElvis is one of the most exclusive Elvis in the UK market. For exclusive read expensive. If there is someone out there charging more, then whoever it is must be either more Chinese than me or Elvis himself! The perfect combination of Chineseyness and Elvisiness combine to create a popular East-West cultural fusion more appealing than Sweet 'n' Sour, Kung 'n' Pao and Dim 'n' Sum. 25 minutes later you will be wanting more... The "executive option" for corporate Elvis / Las Vegas events. Like a super hero, whose appearance depends on shining a signal in the sky, ChineseElvis' appearance can only be secured by waving an enormous wad of used unmarked green bills in the air and depositing it in a Burger King paper bag in a bin of my choosing. Unlike other Elvii, ChineseElvis is also VAT registered, which also adds to the overall hit your wallet will have to take. Go on, splash out and impress your colleagues! I like to think of myself as a Magnum Classic among mini-milks...

If you are considerably far from London then you have the added cost of an overnight and travel to pay as well. Imagine you are booking a superstar. Thats kind of how I imagine it! This is not strip-o-gram territory - but I could be persuaded.

If you are a booking agent, then please note that my fees are similar to the Three Waiters'. Yes, thats right, all three of them! My set is after all, twice as long and my suits much more expensive!!

When you book ChineseElvis, you will need to to confirm the booking by paying a percentage in advance. Or a nude photo of yourself in a compromising position. This is non-refundable in the case of cancellation. One other thing; I once did a gig for a bunch of Chelsea FC supporters, who proceeded to throw bread rolls at me, adding to their Xmas fun. I walked out after three songs and they went deathly quiet and were ashamed of themselves. I had their money, though, and that was that. I went home. End of Xmas party. It was a sad night and the silence was deafening - but we all learned something and went home better people. Then Chelsea got knocked out of the Champions League! Now that's Karma at work for you.

But a serious word of advice:

If you are looking to abuse someone, do it to yourself - its more fun (but apparently makes you go blind) and cheaper as well.

If you would like to add a touch of sexy female glamour and talent to your evening, click here !!

My fees do not include PA system, though I can provide one if needs be for a small fee. I am also happy to recommend a couple of good DJs / PA hire people. If your event is far from London it would make sense to source a local firm, though. If you have booked a local disco, you must ensure they are amenable to me singing through their PA - and have the necessary expertise to cater for me. One time a lovely couple decided to use some of their friends as DJ, who sadly turned out to be irresponsible, young and unable to hold his drink, which resulted in a fiasco of sound and the other guests clubbing together for a last-minute professional replacement at enormous cost. Not the best use of resources, I dare say. WHY HIRE AN EXCLUSIVE ELVIS WITHOUT SORTING OUT A GOOD SOUND SYSTEM? Provided the fee for ChineseElvis is taken care of, there is usually always a way to get this technical side sorted out...call for details.

HOW MUCH MONEY?
Each person's requirements and budget are different and ChineseElvis is nothing if not flexible. Bearing the above in mind, ChineseElvis' fees are variable, according to the day and venue. There are certain days, like Chinese New Year, which attract a premium on top. It can be a little more expensive if there is a lot of travel, you wish to confirm a date way off in the future, the numbers are big, or the stakes are high - but it can also be a little cheaper - if you happen to enquire for a convenient time and venue to my schedule, ie next Tuesday afternoon down at my local pub. The best thing is to call or email for details. We are talking a ballpark figure of £500-£1000 for an appearance, which is a little more than other well-established Elvis acts in the UK. If this seems a lot of money, please consider this: how much would it cost you to get a plumber from London to travel to your venue at the time you request for however long? Probably more than ChineseElvis! To paraphrase the actor Clark Gable when asked how he could justify a fee of a million dollars per film, just think that you are paying for the unsociable hours, the travel and the waiting around. The singing and years of performance experience you get for free (virtually)!! All fees attract VAT.

Now this is strange, but ChineseElvis does not generally confirm bookings more than 6 weeks in the future. I will accept the booking, but like Air India, you will have to re-confirm your booking, which seems a bit weird but thats the way it is. I will pencil you in my schedule and keep you in the picture as to my availability. The reason for this is that my acting career takes precedence and who knows, I might be filming a sex scene with Kirsten Dunst. Knowing my luck it would more likely be a sex scene with Ray Winstone, but the point is that I don't want to let you down and so I can only confirm 100% once I know that I will be available. Once confirmed you can rely on me....and in return, I can rely on you sending me a deposit. I recently was asked at short notice to appear in Robbie Williams' new pop video but turned them down to appear in a scouts hut in Cheam! People are usually happy about this arrangement but if you cant accept not knowing for sure who is to be the singer at your wedding in 20 months, then ChineseElvis is not the man for you. (Just a thought -whomever else you hire instead might also let you down in the meantime, no matter what they say. They might even deputise the job out to someone else, which happens quite a lot).

Oh...and a place to get dressed wouldn't be too much to ask, would it? A secure place and not a gents toilet, for example... Be serious. Call me and let's talk. About that nice girl...

Agent

If you have a business proposition regarding promotional work or endorsement or want to enquire politely about corporate entertainment, or maybe you cant pluck up the courage to call ChineseElvis directly, which is understandable, you can contact my agent. This is how AOL got a piece of me. A sexy piece. Her name is Nancy Hudson at Nancy Hudson Associates and you can call Nancy (or her assistant Tim) for details of my (very high) rates and (very low) availability on 07977 147 636.

ChineseElvis has recently teamed up with a voice-over agent in the form of the well-toned and self-oiled Marcus Furlong at Another Tongue. If you would like to hire ChineseElvis' sexy tones for your outgoing answerphone message or need a comedy Chinese voice for your stereotypical media needs, please call Marcus on 020 7494 0300.

Corporate Entertainment/Xmas Parties/Weddings/??

ChineseElvis has an impressive client list, including: 50 St James Casino, Abbey Road Studios, Addelshaw Goddard, Anthony Nolan Trust, AOL, Associated News, BMG, BT, Bath Rugby Club, Band-X, Bank of China, Benfield Grieg, Blue Frog, CHI, Cadbury's, Cafe de Paris, Capita, Coca Cola, Confectioners Benevolent Fund, Cravens, Castle Casinos, Deloittes, Designate, Dorling Kindersley, Eastleigh FC, Empire Casino at Leicester Square, Extreme Music, FIS Ltd, First Partnership, Gala Casinos, Gardner Stewart, Gartner, Goldman Sachs, Grosvenor Casinos, Hilton Hotels, ITN, Iris, KPMG, LTA, Labour Party, Lambert Howarth Group, Lehman Bros, LIFFE, London Borough of Hackney, London Clubs, MTV, M&S Money, Mercedes Benz HPE, Merrill Lynch, The Mortgage Company, Natural History Museum, Nobu, Oceanwood Capital, Oriental City, Ritz Club & Casino, Rose of Colchester, Royal Bank of Scotland, Royal Green Jackets First Batallion, Safeways, Sharwoods, Smart 421, Sparrowhawk Media, Stanley Casinos, Strathclyde Students Union, T-Mobile, Transport for London, UBS Warburgs, Vector Foiltec, Vertex, Vitol, Vodafone, White & Sons and many more... ChineseElvis has performed for Bob Geldof, Sting, Mick Jagger, Kylie, Angelina Jolie and further down the celebrity food-chain, Paul Collingwood, Pauline Quirke, Cherie Blair QC, Alan Yentob (who he?), Sir Tim Rice, Mark Nicholas, Eddie Jordan, Kirsty Young, Ken Livingstone, Chesney Hawkes, Darren Day, Kelvin Mackenzie, Andrew Flintoff, Michael Vaughan, and the rest. Why not join this exclusive list of (mostly) satisfied customers?

After the party you may need a cleaning service in NY to help clean up after the festivities. Cleaning Building Services New York Inc. can provide office cleaning services for any industry.

Gracelands Palace Chinese Restaurant (deceased)
OLD KENT ROAD

Let me explain the facts about this one-time popular haunt in the salubrious backstreets of South East London:

1. It is owned by a Paul "Elvis" Chan - who is no relation to me (which although stating the bleeding obvious - given we dont even have the same name - is necessary to mention because you would be amazed at how ignorant some people are...! I guess we all look the same so we must be related..?).

2. I used to perform there regularly, when I was not busy doing something else. Generally Friday and Saturday nights, 1999-2004.

3. The place closed down in 2006 - possibly (but probably nothing) to do with the fact that I stopped performing there.

4. Paul "Elvis" Chan is still doing very well, running his more lucrative restaurant in Sevenoaks, Kent, also called Gracelands Chinese Restaurant. He now does not have to hurtle down the A20 dressed like Elvis on a nightly basis to satisfy the demand for a Chinese Elvis in both of these venues, and is looking forward to a less stressful life.

5. IT HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH ME SO PLEASE DONT ASK ME ABOUT THE PLACE. Paul "Elvis" Chan is not me (he is 15+ years older for a start). I know we all look alike to you, but get a grip. He has a strong Chinese accent and I of course have nothing but a pure-bred Memphis accent.

See my letters page which goes to show that I am obviously not spelling the situation out very clearly (..sigh..).