Please read every word of this section if you plan to book
ChineseElvis is one of the
most exclusive Elvis in the UK market. For exclusive
read expensive. If there is someone out there charging more,
then whoever it is must be either more Chinese than me or
Elvis himself! The perfect combination of Chineseyness and
Elvisiness combine to create a popular East-West cultural
fusion more appealing than Sweet 'n' Sour, Kung 'n' Pao
and Dim 'n' Sum. 25 minutes later you will be wanting more...
The "executive option" for corporate Elvis / Las
Vegas events. Like a super hero, whose appearance depends
on shining a signal in the sky, ChineseElvis' appearance
can only be secured by waving an enormous wad of used unmarked
green bills in the air and depositing it in a Burger King
paper bag in a bin of my choosing. Unlike other Elvii, ChineseElvis
is also VAT registered, which also adds to the overall hit
your wallet will have to take. Go on, splash out and impress
your colleagues! I like to think of myself as a Magnum Classic
If you are considerably far from
London then you have the added cost of an overnight and
travel to pay as well. Imagine you are booking a superstar.
Thats kind of how I imagine it! This
is not strip-o-gram territory - but I could be persuaded.
Now this is strange, but ChineseElvis
does not generally confirm bookings more than 6 weeks in
the future. I will accept the booking, but like Air India,
you will have to re-confirm your booking, which seems a
bit weird but thats the way it is. I will pencil you in
my schedule and keep you in the picture as to my availability.
The reason for this is that my acting career takes precedence
and who knows, I might be filming a sex scene with Kirsten
Dunst. Knowing my luck it would more likely be a sex scene
with Ray Winstone, but the point is that I don't want to
let you down and so I can only confirm 100% once I know
that I will be available. Once confirmed you can rely on
me....and in return, I can rely on you sending me a deposit.
I recently was asked at short notice to appear in Robbie
Williams' new pop video but turned them down to appear in
a scouts hut in Cheam! People are usually happy about this
arrangement but if you cant accept not knowing for sure
who is to be the singer at your wedding in 20 months, then
ChineseElvis is not the man for you. (Just a thought -whomever
else you hire instead might also let you down in the meantime,
no matter what they say. They might even deputise the job
out to someone else, which happens quite a lot).
place to get dressedsecure