Chesney does a decent Elvis lip curl - but as you can see I am off duty...

Chesney Hawkes
Yes, Chesney is huge in China, where he has been in the top-ten a record-breaking consecutive 12 years and 3 months. Chessers keeps himself busy fathering a mini-nation of super-midgets, (who he hopes will one day help him conquer the Antarctic) and collects left-over soap from youth hostels around the world, which he is moulding into a large effigy of Peter Stringfellow.

A lovely fella, we had a drink or two and exchanged numbers (I gave him a fake!). Then he wondered off into the horizon singing, "ChineseElvis is the One and Only..." You cant get better than that, I remember thinking.