I was auditoning for a drama about a Chinese waiter who looks after a bunch of northern coastguards, in the bed-and-breakfast he inherited from his deceased father. Set in Whitby, North Yorkshire, it was to be called "Robin Hood's Bay-watch."

Where's Pamela Anderson? Never mind, here's

Alexandra Paul
When I was an Elvis-in -Training, the statuesque and dazzling Alexandra Paul took some time out of her hectic schedule to partake of afternoon tea with me. She is really lovely and has a very long neck. She is a great fan of Elvis and bought Elvis' nasal hair trimmers (as used by Elvis before his '68 comeback special) at a charity auction recently.